Just waiting

That is where we are…We are just waiting. This has by far been the hardest part thus far. I mean the hardest. I knew it would be but man. These last two weeks have been hard for me. I have had probably the worse flare up of my endometriosis I have ever had. It just drains you, the constant pain and discomfort. I have been extra stressed at work on top of all the endometriosis stuff. This too has made the waiting game harder. But I am still so thankful for God’s loving arms around me. I have really felt them these last two weeks. Even when I have been very grumpy and not the best Karla I could be. I have been trying to take more time out with God and myself. So far every single night this week I have spent extra time with God and have taken an hour long bath. It is helping me one feel better and two helps me try and focus on the bigger picture. It’s so easy to get sucked into the the questions and uncertainties of adoption. I have literally read our copy of our adoption book every single night this week. I started it as kind of a way to pray over it and pray for the birth parents that will be looking them. But it has almost turned into me questioning if we are good enough, if the book is good enough. I have had to tell myself over and over this week that God has this all planned out and our book will be perfect for the birth mom who picks us.  I was talking to one of my favorite clients at work this week, she currently has a foster baby that she will most likely be adopting later this year. She has been a foster mom for a couple years now. I was talking to her about the wait and how its been a little harder for me than I expected. She reminded me that its okay to talk about and that the only way we will make it through is by leaning on God. By giving him every fear, doubt, worry, and letting him handle it. He has gotten us this far, he will get us through the rest. I am thankful for unexpected conversations like that. God seems to always make them happen when you need them most. I didn’t know I would even be seeing this client this week. The conversation came up after I discharged her dog after he got neutered that day. But God knew I needed those words and her sweet encouragement. SO THANKFUL! So here we are still waiting, but instead of obsessing over something I have no control over I will give it to God. Gosh, how lucky are we that in any situation in life we can give it to God? I am sure thankful for that. So in the mean time I will keep dreaming of my future baby and I will keep leaning on my Lord and Savoir.  I will also keep busy because that is helpful! Tomorrow I am watching my friends almost one year old twins for a couple hours, then lunch with an old friend and an appointment I have been putting off for way too long! Next week I celebrate my birthday and am doing a joint birthday dinner with my sister and niece! All I know is I won’t let doubt creep in and ruin this part of our adoption journey. Its all part of the journey and I want to try and enjoy each and every day of it. God is in control and for that truth I am beyond thankful!

~ Karla


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