Still in Awe

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. I have seen posts all over my Instagram about people stories and struggles with Infertility. Did you know 1 in 8 couples struggle with Infertility? I have come to find out that unless you are in the midst of it you don’t really see how many people that truly is. I will never forget when we were in the midst of trying to conceive and me going to multiple doctors appointments, going to a church. This church was great and I’m not saying it wasn’t but one of their jokes was how easily God was multiplying the families of this church. I remember sitting in that church as the pastor laughed and joked about all the pregnant women and all the new babies in the church and feeling so small. I felt like I was sinking into my seat farther and farther and my heart was going to burst. I remember shortly after the worship Pastor singing “Oceans” by Hillsong United and just sobbing and sobbing because I didn’t understand why this was happening to me.

I also remember the first time we went to our current church. One of our Pastors was preaching and in front of the whole church brought up his and his wife’s struggle with Infertility. I couldn’t believe a Pastor would stand up in front of a church and openly talk about it. We knew then and there that this would be our church home. That Pastor and his wife are now very good friends of ours and we also both now have children we were so blessed with by adoption. Infertility has grown, stretched and made me a stronger person. I don’t think it led us to adoption because I always knew that was part of God’s plan however,  I do think it led us to adoption sooner than if we didnt experience it. God’s timing with all things is perfect, even Infertility. God’s perfect timing led us to our church, then to our friends, then to talking about starting to pursue adoption, pursuing adoption and then being matched with our beautiful son! Infertility was hard, it just straight up sucked, just keeping it real. But I am also so thankful for it. Thankful for the chance to grow, grow my faith and maybe help others struggling with it along the way. It led me to the greatest gift and honor I will ever receive in my life, my beautiful little boy. It led me to his beautiful birth family a group of people now in my life I couldn’t imagine not being in it. It led me to this beautiful adoption community both online and in my community of people. Friends I will say it again infertility sucks, but all that pain, fear, worry, tears and unknown was worth it. God’s plan was better than anything I could have ever imagined. As I typed that last sentence I couldn’t help but cry. God’s plan, the way God moved mountains, where God has placed me and still is, still shakes me to my core. I still stand in awe of the love and power God has shown me through this process. Friends if you are in the thick of Infertility hold on, turn to God. I know its hard, I know you feel alone but remember you are not alone and when the dust settles (which it will, even if it takes years) God will led you to and through which ever path he chooses for you!



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